The text came completely out of the blue.

It was evening, and I had just wrapped up a day of work. I checked my messages, and this one caught my attention right away. I hadn't heard from this person in months, and it only said, "We need to talk."

Strange, I thought.

But I called right away.

It didn't take me long to realize something was wrong. She had a bone to pick with me, and contrary to what she'd told me in her text, she didn't want to talk at all.

She wanted to yell.

I kept my cool, and asked her to calm down.

It wasn't happening. She was too upset.

I got off the phone with her, but by then, I was upset too.

The next day, we spoke over text, and she apologized for going off like that. She said she was too emotional to have a conversation, and she shouldn't have spoken to me that way.

Agreed.

Now, I'm not telling you this story so we can gather our pitchforks.

Instead, I want you to know that I do know what it's like to be completely blasted by someone that's being irrational.

There's a lot of advice out there on how to have clear communication, how to have more productive conversations, and even on how to manage conflict.

But what can you do when someone, for example, your boss, absolutely snaps?

What do you do when someone is being unreasonable?

Here are some tips that I've learned over the years dealing with upset social work clients, their families, and people in my personal life as well.

I hope they help you, too.

Don't engage.

When people are really angry, they're often angling for a reaction. They either want to see you push back (fight), or crumble. Do your best not to react.

It can be hard to stay calm, but remember to detach from their words. Often, they don't mean what they are saying. They're just upset.

Tell them you want to talk.

It's pretty hard for anyone to think straight when they're being yelled at. Let this person know that. Use this: "Please stop yelling so we can talk."

One of my past clients would ask her boss, "Do you want to keep yelling, or do you want me to solve the problem?" This would often slow him down. Not guaranteed to work, but a great question.

Give a warning.

Just because this person is upset, or is your boss, or your client, or whatever the situation might be, does not give them a right to treat you with disrespect. If you have had enough, they can't calm down, and you've invited them to work it out with you, then you can be pretty sure the conversation isn't going anywhere productive.

Let them know that you're going to walk away/hang up, etc. if they can't cool it, and that you're happy to have a discussion when they're ready to sort out the problem.

Do these strategies seem too bold?

I hear you, and you'll have to decide for yourself what you can risk at your job. I will say, however, you deserve to have boundaries that keep you psychologically safe.

➤ What are your thoughts?

➤ What are your stories?

I'd love to hear from you!

---

Join 80K readers who get smarter about money in just 5 minutes a day with The Morning Download.

Get Nice News - a daily digest sent to your inbox each morning with only positive news stories. Wake up with a more optimistic mindset and start your day inspired.

Are you are tired of hustle culture, pressure and burnout? Get The Boonly.​

Are you feeling burned out? You don't have to suffer alone. I've put together a great toolkit that can help you recognize burnout and start the recovery process today. Check out the complete kit here.​

That's it for this week!